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BDSM stands for Bondage and Discipline/Dominance and Sadism/Submission and Masochism (which is when you derive pleasure from inflicting or experiencing pain). “Kink” is a general term that refers to sexual desires that are considered by society to be outside the norm.
While these experiences may be considered taboo by some, that doesn’t mean they’re wrong.
In fact, people with fetishes, kink, and BDSM practices are far more common than you think.
Kink/BDSM is sometimes referred to as an “alternative” lifestyle and way of exploring sexuality.
For those of us who live “alternative” lifestyles that do not conform to mainstream society, there are a lot of big picture questions that we grapple with on the daily.
Like, how much do we accommodate society by sacrificing our own desires and trying to “fit in?”
And how far do we push the limits on what society constitutes as a valid way to live our lives?
It’s a constant battle that we must face and reckon with, especially when our alternative choices are sexual in nature and therefore, so intimately tied to our relationships with others and the way we see ourselves.
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At My LA Therapy, our highly-vetted Anxiety experts are selected not only for their clinical acumen but for who they are.
Over the past several years, we have found ourselves working with an increasing number of people who are a part of the BDSM and lifestyle community.
Working with these clients, we have learned a great deal about the community, and about how BDSM desires can contribute to feelings of shame and anxiety.
We’ve come to understand that the key to freedom is accepting every part of ourselves, even the taboo parts that we often want to keep hidden from the outside world.
And although the BDSM lifestyle is gaining awareness in mainstream culture, most people in the world remain pretty uninformed.
But that’s why we are here: to teach and build acceptance around a community that is deserving of respect, attention, and understanding.
One of the most common concerns we find when working with BDSM and kink issues is that people are uncertain how to discern a genuine desire from trauma or a consensual dom/sub relationship from an abusive relationship.
Discerning between these things is rarely black and white. It requires a great deal of skill and understanding, and we pride ourselves on knowing how to help you discern these important questions.
Often, the answers to these questions serve as the basis for greater clarity, healing, peace, and self-acceptance.
BDSM and kink specialized therapists are uniquely equipped to help navigate these delicate conversations from a place of deep acceptance and understanding of BDSM and kink desires as completely valid and normal.
Fun fact: BDSM and predilections to kink are actually not as rare as you would think!
Yep, you read that right.
“47 percent of women and 60 percent of men have fantasized about dominating someone sexually,” according to a study in The Journal of Sex Research.
BDSM is far from a new phenomenon.
In fact, BDSM has been mentioned throughout history in Sanskrit Texts, ancient Greek and Roman art, and erotic French novels—all showing “pain being used as an erotic stimulus.”
As with other types of lifestyles and sexual orientations, BDSM activities fall into a spectrum.
This can range from light play to hardcore play.
Light play looks something like this: blindfolding your partner, tickling them, and just enjoying an overall sense of playfulness without much pain or force.
Hardcore BDSM on the other hand involves whipping, pouring hot wax, restraining each other, depriving each others’ senses, or binding your partner with ropes or chains.
BDSM took a small step toward becoming destigmatized when the American Psychological Association publicly recognized it as a consensual practice between two partners, rather than a forced sexual activity without consent.
Typically, people are drawn to BDSM because they are simply curious and want to explore new types of sexual experiences.
Studies have found that couples who engaged in BDSM “were no more likely to have been coerced into sexual activity and were not significantly more likely to be unhappy or anxious,” which makes a strong case for BDSM being a healthy form of sexual expression.
Although we as therapists think of BDSM as a normal part of the sexual spectrum, society’s limiting beliefs often cause people to struggle with guilt, shame, and other psychological issues.
That’s why therapy is an important part of the path to self-acceptance for those in the BDSM community.
Yes, there are stereotypes that exist within the culture at large, but our therapists recognize that they couldn’t be further from the truth.
At my LA Therapy, you will be treated as an individual, without being confined by any labels or preconceived notions.
Our experienced BDSM therapists are here to discuss all matters related to fetish, sexuality and dominant/submissive-issues within relationships—nothing is taboo here in our practice!
Clinical Director, Founder, Therapist
Therapist
I am blown away! I don’t write testimonials, unless I have been extremely moved by something. I was blessed to work with Brooke on a single session, and before this I was in therapy on and off with multiple therapists for the last 20 years of my life. Brooke was able to do more in one session than many years of work with my previous therapist. She has the true gift of great insight and compassion while also getting straight to the heart of your blind spots and unconscious issues in a way that has truly changed my life.
Skyler J.
There are people who are good at their work there are people like Brooke: who are born to do it. I cannot recommend Brooke more highly. I can only imagine where I would be today if I had started working with her years ago. From the beginning of our session, she knew exactly what tools and questions that would work for my particular psychology and my personal experience. No other therapist has been able to do that or anything close.
What I also really appreciate from our session is Brooke's ability to go directly to the source of the issue while also keeping a very gentle and kind energy with me. I felt very seen, understood, and supported. Everything and more that I could have ever asked for from a therapist. I have a severe trauma history and complex issues she was able to immediately identify and help. If she could help me, I know she can help you too.
Taylor E.
You did more in 45 minutes than my last therapist did in a year.
Jamie
With your help, I've finally started to understand that while my vivid imagination often wants to create terrifying monsters under the bed, in a lot of cases those monsters are nothing more than a heap of decidedly less-terrifying laundry I've avoided for too long that just needs to be aired out and put away. Which is definitely a lot easier than monster slaying. Thank you for shedding light in the dark places I was too afraid to face alone.
Morgan B.
I am extremely fortunate to work with Sydney, who is helping me create real internal change. The talent to listen well is Hall of Fame stuff, and she has that. She then follows with questions, strategies that are organic to the moment. I have come to believe that deep, radical, if occasionally deeply painful change ... and, then, healing can happen. I'm just at the lip of that last part - but would not have gotten there, AT ALL, without Sydney
Ric K.
The best therapist ever! Life-changing 🙂
Catherine H.
Right now, the work is changing my life, sometimes in inches, sometimes in miles.
Ric K.
