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The Psychology of Guilt vs. Shame: Why One Heals and the Other Destroys
"Shame says 'I am bad.' Guilt says 'I did something bad.'"
— Brené Brown
Why Understanding the Difference Between Guilt and Shame Matters
Guilt and shame are two of the most powerful—and misunderstood—emotions we experience as humans. While they often feel similar, their effects on our mental health, relationships, and healing journeys couldn’t be more different.
In therapy, learning to distinguish guilt from shame is a pivotal moment for many clients. Why? Because guilt can motivate repair and growth. Shame, on the other hand, often creates disconnection, self-loathing, and emotional paralysis.
This blog breaks down the psychological differences between guilt and shame, explores how they show up in the brain and body, and provides actionable tools for healing from toxic shame while harnessing the transformative power of healthy guilt.
Guilt vs. Shame: What’s the Difference?
What it is:
Guilt is the emotional discomfort we feel when we believe we’ve done something wrong that violates our values.
Shame, by contrast, is the belief that we ourselves are inherently flawed, bad, or unworthy of love.
| Emotion | Focus | Message | Result |
|---|---|---|---|
| Guilt | Behavior | “I did something wrong” | Motivates repair |
| Shame | Self | “I am something wrong” | Promotes hiding and self-rejection |
How it works:
Guilt can be adaptive—it activates empathy and motivates us to make amends. Shame, however, tends to spiral inward, activating the brain’s threat response and shutting down connection.
Ask yourself: When I make a mistake, do I believe I did something wrong—or that I am wrong?
Ready to Heal From Toxic Shame?
You are not broken—you’re carrying stories that were never yours to hold. At My LA Therapy, our therapists help you unlearn shame and reconnect with your true self.
What Happens in the Brain and Body
The Neuroscience:
Both guilt and shame activate similar regions of the brain, such as the prefrontal cortex (self-reflection) and anterior cingulate cortex (error monitoring). But shame also lights up the amygdala—our fear center—triggering fight, flight, or freeze.
Shame increases cortisol (stress hormone), while guilt is associated with activation of moral reasoning and pro-social behavior.
The Physiology:
Shame: racing heart, collapsed posture, avoidance, nausea, withdrawal
Guilt: increased alertness, desire to engage, readiness to make things right
Ask yourself: What does shame feel like in your body? How does it differ from guilt?
5 Signs You’re Living With Toxic Shame
- You constantly feel “not enough,” even when you’re trying your best.
- You struggle to accept compliments or success without feeling like a fraud.
- You feel defective or fundamentally broken.
- You over-apologize or take responsibility for others’ emotions.
- You avoid vulnerability or being seen too deeply.
Toxic shame often stems from early attachment wounds, trauma, neglect, or chronic criticism.
Turn Guilt Into Growth
When guilt is honored—not avoided—it becomes a gateway to transformation. Let us help you make meaning from mistakes without falling into shame.
How Healthy Guilt Supports Emotional Growth
1. Promotes Accountability
Guilt invites us to reflect on our actions and make things right.
2. Reinforces Moral Compass
It helps maintain alignment with your values—without attacking your identity.
3. Fosters Empathy and Connection
Feeling guilty about harm we’ve caused can motivate us to repair, grow, and reconnect.
Therapist Insight: Guilt is an emotional signpost pointing us toward growth, not punishment.
5 Therapy-Backed Strategies for Healing Shame
1. Name It to Tame It
Bring shame into conscious awareness. Say: “This is shame speaking, not truth.”
2. Use Compassionate Self-Talk
Replace self-criticism with affirming truths. “I made a mistake, and I’m still worthy.”
3. Reparenting Practices
Offer your inner child the empathy, protection, and safety they lacked.
4. Express Shame in Safe Spaces
Talking about shame dissolves it. Vulnerability with a therapist or trusted person reduces its power.
5. Build a Shame-Resilient Identity
Focus on values-based living. Who do you want to be, even in imperfection?
Ask yourself: How would I speak to myself if I believed I was already enough?
Stay curious, stay compassionate, and know that your journey is uniquely yours.
And in that uniqueness lies your power.
In the meantime, stay true, brave, and kind,
– Brooke
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Brooke Sprowl is an industry-leading expert and author in psychology, spirituality, and self-transformation. Her insights have featured in dozens of media outlets such as Huffington Post, Business Insider, Cosmopolitan Magazine, the Los Angeles Times, Spectrum One News, Mind Body Green, YourTango, and many more. As the founder and CEO of My LA Therapy, she leads a team of 15 dedicated therapists and wellness professionals. Brooke has been a featured speaker at prominent universities and venues such as UCLA School of Public Affairs, USC, Loyola Marymount University, the Mark Taper Auditorium, and Highways Performance Gallery, to name a few. With a Master’s degree in Clinical Social Welfare with a Mental Health Specialization from UCLA, a Bachelor’s degree in Neuroscience from USC, and certifications in peak performance and flow science from the Flow Research Collective, Brooke has helped hundreds of prominent leaders and CEO’s overcome anxiety, relationship difficulties, and trauma and reclaim a sense of purpose, vitality, and spiritual connection. With 15 years of experience in personal development and self-transformation as a therapist and coach, she has pioneered dozens of original concepts and frameworks to guide people in overcoming mental health challenges and awakening spiritually. Brooke is the host of the podcast, Waking Up with Brooke Sprowl. She is passionate about writing, neuroscience, philosophy, integrity, poetry, spirituality, creativity, effective altruism, personal and collective healing, and curating luxury, transformational retreat experiences for high-achievers seeking spiritual connection.
