Am I In An Abusive Relationship?
“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”
– Maya Angelou
Am I In An Abusive Relationship?
In my years as a therapist, I’ve witnessed the quiet torment of those wrestling with a difficult and sometimes haunting question: Am I in an abusive relationship? Abuse isn’t always glaringly obvious. It doesn’t always come with bruises or shouting matches. Sometimes, it wears the mask of love, concern, or even charm, making it all the more confusing to identify. Today, we’ll delve into understanding the complex and often subtle signs of abuse to help us uncover its true nature.
Abuse and Its Many Faces
Abuse is deceptive. It adapts, taking forms that can blend seamlessly into the backdrop of everyday life, only to surface in moments when we least expect it. It isn’t just the overt display of aggression; it can be the gentle erosion of your self-worth, the unseen shackles of financial dependence, or the manipulation that warps reality until you’re no longer sure what’s true.
Emotional Abuse: Questioning Your Reality
Unlike physical scars, emotional wounds are invisible but deeply impactful. Emotional abuse is subtle and insidious. It may start with small criticisms or a dismissive attitude and escalate into a pattern that leaves you doubting your own worth. Walking on eggshells becomes second nature, and the sound of your own voice asking, Am I overreacting? becomes a haunting refrain.
Imagine someone being told over and over that their feelings are “too much” or that they’re “being dramatic” when they express discomfort. It’s the subtle shifts—withdrawal of affection, the slight twist in words to make you question what you believe—that slowly erode the confidence to speak up or set boundaries.
Ask yourself :
- Do you find yourself questioning your own reality after conversations with your partner?
- Do you feel seen and heard, or do your feelings dissolve into the shadows of doubt and confusion?
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Abuse and Physical Intimidation: The Threat Without the Strike
Physical abuse is perhaps the most recognizable form, but it doesn’t always manifest with violence. The threat alone—whether through an aggressive stance, an unsettling silence, or gestures that instill fear—can be a powerful tool of control. It’s the awareness that harm could happen at any moment, even if it hasn’t before.
Ask yourself : Have there been times when an argument or silence left you feeling threatened, as if you needed to shrink yourself to stay safe?
Recognizing these moments is the first step in understanding the presence of physical intimidation.
Financial Abuse: The Unseen Cage
Financial abuse often goes unnoticed until its impact becomes unavoidable. It’s not always dramatic, like confiscating a paycheck. Sometimes it’s framed as “helping” you manage your money or “protecting” you from unnecessary spending. It may start with innocent requests to “contribute” or keep shared accounts, but before long, you realize you no longer have control over your own financial decisions.
This form of abuse traps you, making the idea of leaving seem impossible. With no means to stand on your own, the illusion of security becomes a trap, and fear replaces independence.
Ask yourself: Are your financial choices respected, or do you find yourself needing to ask for permission to make even the simplest purchases?
Sexual Abuse: Boundaries That Aren’t Respected
The misconception that sexual abuse only involves physical violence prevents many from recognizing it in their own relationships. It’s about consent and boundaries—whether those boundaries are honored or ignored. A partner who pressures, coerces, or makes you feel obligated to engage in activities without your full and enthusiastic consent is crossing the line of consent.
Ask yourself:
- Do you feel pressured into intimacy, or are your boundaries respected without question?
- Are your feelings about comfort and safety listened to, or are they pushed aside?
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Recognizing the Signs of Abuse: A Litmus Test
Abuse is often incremental. It can start with what seem like minor outbursts, subtle controls over your decisions, or a hint of jealousy passed off as “love.” But these can build, becoming a pattern that gradually traps you in a cycle that’s hard to break.
Key signs to reflect on:
- Fear and Unease: Do you feel anxious or afraid when anticipating your partner’s reactions?
- Eroded Self-Worth: Do you feel less confident, doubting your own value more frequently?
- Isolation: Have you noticed a distance growing between you and your friends or family, often at the insistence of your partner?
- Over-Control: Does your partner decide aspects of your life, like your appearance or social interactions?
- Questioning Reality: Do you often find yourself confused, replaying interactions, and wondering if you misinterpreted them?
Stepping Towards Freedom and Healing
The hardest part of facing an abusive relationship is the first moment of recognition—the moment you say, This is not right. But once that moment arrives, hope can begin to grow. It starts with confiding in a trusted friend, family member, or therapist who can help you piece together your reality.
Ask yourself: If a friend told you their story and it mirrored yours, would you recognize it as abuse?
Sometimes, it’s easier to see clearly when we step outside of our own experiences.
Breaking the Silence
Abuse thrives in silence and isolation. By speaking up, reaching out, and seeking professional help, we begin the journey toward healing. Therapy can be an essential space to rebuild trust in ourselves, set boundaries, and reconnect with our inner strength.
No one deserves to live in fear, doubt, or control. Relationships should be spaces of respect, understanding, and care. If you’re questioning your relationship, trust that inner voice. You are not alone, and there is a path forward to reclaim your life and well-being.
At My LA Therapy, we understand how difficult it can be to confront these realities, and we are here to walk alongside you on the path to rediscovering your strength and freedom.
Book a free call to see how our relationship specialists can help.
In the meantime, stay true, brave, and kind,
Brooke
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Author Bio
Brooke Sprowl is an industry-leading expert and author in psychology, spirituality, and self-transformation. Her insights have featured in dozens of media outlets such as Huffington Post, Business Insider, Cosmopolitan Magazine, the Los Angeles Times, Spectrum One News, Mind Body Green, YourTango, and many more.
As the founder and CEO of My LA Therapy, she leads a team of 15 dedicated therapists and wellness professionals. Brooke has been a featured speaker at prominent universities and venues such as UCLA School of Public Affairs, USC, Loyola Marymount University, the Mark Taper Auditorium, and Highways Performance Gallery, to name a few.
With a Master’s degree in Clinical Social Welfare with a Mental Health Specialization from UCLA, a Bachelor’s degree in Neuroscience from USC, and certifications in peak performance and flow science from the Flow Research Collective, Brooke has helped hundreds of prominent leaders and CEO’s overcome anxiety, relationship difficulties, and trauma and reclaim a sense of purpose, vitality, and spiritual connection.
With 15 years of experience in personal development and self-transformation as a therapist and coach, she has pioneered dozens of original concepts and frameworks to guide people in overcoming mental health challenges and awakening spiritually.
Brooke is the host of the podcast, Waking Up with Brooke Sprowl. She is passionate about writing, neuroscience, philosophy, integrity, poetry, spirituality, creativity, effective altruism, personal and collective healing, and curating luxury, transformational retreat experiences for high-achievers seeking spiritual connection.
