The Psychology of Forgiveness: Why Letting Go Isn't About the Other Person
"Forgiveness is not something we do for others. It’s something we do to set ourselves free."
— Brooke Sprowl
What Forgiveness Really Means (and What It Doesn’t)
Forgiveness is one of the most misunderstood—and most powerful—tools in emotional healing. In 2025, with rising awareness around trauma, boundaries, and self-worth, many people are reevaluating what it truly means to forgive.
Contrary to popular belief, forgiveness is not about excusing bad behavior, forgetting the harm done, or reconciling with the person who hurt you. Instead, it’s about releasing the emotional burden that keeps you tied to the pain.
In this blog, we explore the psychology behind forgiveness, why it’s a process of personal liberation, and how to move forward in a way that honors your healing—not your offender’s redemption.
What Forgiveness Is (And Isn’t)
What it is:
Forgiveness is the intentional process of letting go of anger, resentment, or the need for revenge toward someone who has hurt you—without condoning their actions.
What it’s not:
Forgiveness is not forgetting.
It doesn’t require an apology.
It doesn’t mean restoring the relationship.
It isn’t about pretending everything is okay.
Forgiveness is about your emotional freedom, not their moral clearance.
Ask yourself: Am I holding onto pain as a way to feel in control—or am I ready to reclaim my peace?
Why Holding Onto Resentment Hurts You More Than Them
How it works:
When we replay past betrayals or injustices, our brain and body continue to relive the trauma. The amygdala, the brain’s fear center, stays activated, keeping us in a cycle of hypervigilance, stress, or shutdown.
Research shows that chronic resentment can:
Elevate cortisol and stress hormones
Disrupt sleep and immune function
By holding onto resentment, we give power to the past—and the person who hurt us.
Why it’s important:
Forgiveness allows the nervous system to regulate again. It’s less about reconciliation and more about nervous system repair.
Ask yourself: Is my resentment punishing them—or me?
The Neuroscience of Letting Go
What it is:
Forgiveness is linked to the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for empathy, decision-making, and higher reasoning.
How it works:
Studies show that people who practice forgiveness have greater activation in the prefrontal cortex and lower activity in the amygdala. This shift helps reduce stress and increases well-being.
Forgiveness also boosts oxytocin and serotonin levels—chemicals that promote calm, bonding, and emotional balance.
Why it’s important:
Your brain can learn to let go. Forgiveness isn’t forgetting; it’s rewiring.
Ask yourself: What’s the emotional cost of holding on—and what could I gain from letting go?
Reclaim Your Emotional Freedom
You don’t have to carry the weight of old pain forever. At My LA Therapy, we help individuals process betrayal, trauma, and emotional wounds with compassion and clarity.
Let Go Without Letting Them Back In
Forgiveness isn’t about restoring a broken relationship—it’s about restoring your own power. Our trauma-informed therapists guide you through safe, non-pressured healing.
5 Therapy-Informed Steps to Forgiveness
1. Acknowledge the Hurt
Before forgiveness is possible, we must name what happened. Minimizing or denying the harm delays healing.
Try this: Journal or talk to a therapist about the full impact of the event—not just what happened, but how it made you feel.
2. Separate the Person from the Pain
You can acknowledge someone’s humanity while still holding them accountable. This does not mean excusing the harm—it means seeing their behavior as a reflection of their limitations, not your worth.
3. Set Boundaries, Not Barriers
Forgiveness doesn’t require reentry into a toxic relationship. In fact, healthy boundaries can coexist with compassion.
Example: “I forgive you, but I no longer allow that behavior in my life.”
4. Choose to Release (Again and Again)
Forgiveness is not a one-time event. It’s a choice we revisit, especially when old emotions resurface. Think of it as emotional decluttering.
Mantra: “I release this pain—not because they deserve peace, but because I do.”
5. Reclaim Your Power
When we forgive, we shift from victimhood to agency. You no longer define your identity by the wound, but by the strength it revealed.
Therapist tip: Healing doesn’t mean forgetting—it means remembering without rage.
Forgiveness and Trauma: What If It Feels Impossible?
For trauma survivors, forgiveness can feel unsafe—or even triggering. And that’s okay.
If someone has caused significant harm, forgiveness may never feel right. In these cases, self-forgiveness—for how long you stayed, for how you coped, for not seeing the red flags—is often the deeper healing.
Alternative: Instead of forgiveness, consider the concept of radical acceptance: acknowledging what happened without continuing to suffer from it.
Forgiveness is not the only path—but it is one path. Choose what serves your healing, not what satisfies social expectations.
Stay curious, stay compassionate, and know that your journey is uniquely yours.
And in that uniqueness lies your power.
In the meantime, stay true, brave, and kind,
– Brooke
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Brooke Sprowl is an industry-leading expert and author in psychology, spirituality, and self-transformation. Her insights have featured in dozens of media outlets such as Huffington Post, Business Insider, Cosmopolitan Magazine, the Los Angeles Times, Spectrum One News, Mind Body Green, YourTango, and many more. As the founder and CEO of My LA Therapy, she leads a team of 15 dedicated therapists and wellness professionals. Brooke has been a featured speaker at prominent universities and venues such as UCLA School of Public Affairs, USC, Loyola Marymount University, the Mark Taper Auditorium, and Highways Performance Gallery, to name a few. With a Master’s degree in Clinical Social Welfare with a Mental Health Specialization from UCLA, a Bachelor’s degree in Neuroscience from USC, and certifications in peak performance and flow science from the Flow Research Collective, Brooke has helped hundreds of prominent leaders and CEO’s overcome anxiety, relationship difficulties, and trauma and reclaim a sense of purpose, vitality, and spiritual connection. With 15 years of experience in personal development and self-transformation as a therapist and coach, she has pioneered dozens of original concepts and frameworks to guide people in overcoming mental health challenges and awakening spiritually. Brooke is the host of the podcast, Waking Up with Brooke Sprowl. She is passionate about writing, neuroscience, philosophy, integrity, poetry, spirituality, creativity, effective altruism, personal and collective healing, and curating luxury, transformational retreat experiences for high-achievers seeking spiritual connection.
