Communication is the backbone of human relationships—not only our relationships with one another—but even more crucially, our relationships with ourselves.
While communication skills are an important part of intimate relationships, strong communication can contribute to wellbeing, empowerment, and connection in every area of our lives.
When we’re able to communicate our basic needs and compassionately understand those of others, we can begin to create more meaningful connections, a more grounded sense of who we are as individuals, and a greater sense of mastery in our lives.
One benefit of effectively communicating our needs and feelings is that we can become more collaborative and less adversarial in the way we relate to others (and ourselves), decreasing power struggles, destructive conflicts, abuse, and violence.
Psychologist, Marshall Rosenberg developed his theory of Nonviolent Communication—or Compassionate Communication to address these issues and to reform communication as we know it.
He believed that all human beings are compassionate and empathetic at their core and that we only resort to harmful communication and behaviors when we feel threatened that we won’t get our own needs met and/or are unable to understand others’ needs clearly.
By being open about our individual needs and empathizing with others, destructive conflicts, or “violent communication,” can be avoided.
This can create a greater sense of emotional safety within relationships and can improve our ability to relate vulnerably and authentically.
The four main components are observation, feelings, needs, and requests.
In order to implement NVC in our lives, we need to make changes on three key levels: within the self, between others, and within groups or societal structures.
How do we get started?
There are three distinct modes on how to apply Nonviolent Communication to your everyday life.
Implementing NVC into our everyday lives will take practice and time, just like any other skill.
NVC isn’t just used in personal relationships. In fact, it can be a powerful way to approach communication in business settings, mediation, parenting, legal matters, education, and healthcare, just to name a few.
Nonviolent Communication not only changes the words we use but it can shift our entire way of being, which is why it’s often considered a spiritual approach as well.
This is what founder Marshall Rosenberg had to say about the relationship between NVC and spirituality.
“[NVC] is really a spiritual practice that I am trying to show as a way of life… Even if they practice this as a mechanical technique, they start to experience things between themselves and other people they weren’t able to experience before… They begin to see that it’s more than a communication process.” -Marshall Rosenberg
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