Sexuality and Sensuality: Why you should try BDSM and Kink
“We are social beings who construct our own identities within a particular set of social and economic conditions which are not often of our own making.”
- Karl Marx
Introducing Kink into your relationship
In casual relationships, you can be as kinky as you like because you don’t really care if you’re rejected. However, committed relationships, there’s just too much fallout if your lover judges you harshly. So, you begin to self censor your thoughts: “Will he think I’m a freak if I suggest tying him up?” “Will she think I’m a misogynist if I want to try some hand-cuffs?”
It’s OK to suggest doing delectably deviant things to your lover. Whatever it is you’d like to try, it’s probably not as bizarre as you think. There’s no need to apologize for wanting a vibrant, fun, explorative sex life.
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From watching to much TV, I have noticed that one popular show has popularized the sex culture and made it mainstream. That show is Sex in the City, a show that celebrated female independence from men. At first glance, this series was different in that primary representation of female friendship and the power of women to form bonds that sustain them in their every day life. This show provided a space for women to talk about their own sexual desires; these desires were edgy, fun and rebellious. These women capitulated to their own sexuality, which consumed a major part of their lives and the story lines of each episode.
The more one way of being a female is elevated about and beyond others, the more a significant chunk of the population will gravitate towards what which is socially accepted and rewarded. Many people are so scared of asking their partners for what they want. Maybe you are scared of the reaction you’ll get? If you’ve never asked your lover if they’d be interested in explorative sex, you just can’t know how they’ll respond. Sex can be a tricky topic to raise, so be wary of jumping to conclusions just because your lover hasn’t told you they’d like to experiment.
Leading up to a conversion about Kink and BDSM with your partner
In your close relationship, begin to conquer your desires by opening up conversations that question conventional wisdom about sex. Compare notes on how you both feel society represents sex and what influence that’s had on you both. Here are some icebreakers to get your lover thinking and questioning the status quo. As a reason to bring up the topic, say you saw a TV program about the topic and are interested to hear their opinion.
- What do you think the difference is between lust and love?
- Do you think:
- Most relationships have both of these or are there differences?
- Someone can know if they’ll like something sexual without having tried it?
- Couples who share everything have better sex, or is there something to be said for discretion and some mystery?
- How do you think:
- Porn influences men’s and women’s sexual expectations and experiences?
- People maintain the sexual spark in a long-term relationship?
- Can sex be wild and experimental without being sordid and sleazy?
- In your opinion if something is forbidden or transgressive, is it sexier?
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Asking open questions like these about sex and society are less confronting than, for example, “Hey, what are you into sexually?” Once your partner sees your goal is to deepen your sexual connection, you’re ready to open up more personal topics on BDSM and Kink.
Sex is the one and only thing you get to do with your lover and no one else. Not only does it feel great physically, it makes us feel desired, admired, close and connected.
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