Premarital Therapy

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Premarital Therapy

Premarital Therapy

ABOUT PREMARITAL THERAPY

Relationships bring out our best and worst selves, our deepest hopes, and our deepest fears and vulnerabilities. Whether you have found yourself in a string of unsatisfying relationships or you are in a committed relationship that is not meeting your needs, therapy can help you learn to reverse the hurtful patterns in your relationships and help you and your loved ones to become a life-giving source for one another, rather than a source of pain and strife.

Pre-marital therapy focuses on unveiling deep fears, hurts, and painful internalized messages, while also learning to communicate your needs to one another. Often we feel that we have tried to address a problem a hundred times to no avail. Couples therapy can help you to communicate in a way that the other person can hear and help identify where the relationship is stuck and how to change the dynamics. As a couples therapist, I can help to dispel the fears and assumptions that lead couples to be defensive with one another, allowing them to begin to express their affection and love freely and thus to have a deeper, more satisfying relationship.

Intimacy is what we most long for and what we most fear.

Erwin MacManus

HOW I WORK

In my experience, the most effective and life-changing approach to pre-marital counseling is to focus on communication patterns within the session, including non-verbal communication, as well as pointing out times when unconscious anxiety is arising and how that can contribute to destructive ways of engaging. When we repair the damaged communication process, we don’t have to work through every single conflict that arises, but rather the healing extends into every interaction.

I have experience helping couples of all ages and at various stages in their relationships, whether dating, engaged, newly married, or in a long-term marriage or partnership. I also have a great deal of experience working with LGBT couples.

COUPLES THERAPY REVIEW

One of my clients offered to share this email he wrote for the benefit of others who may be interested in learning more about what it is like to work with me. You can find more reviews on the Reviews and Testimonials page.

“I just wanted to share that yesterday’s session with you, and a long, productive dinner table conversation with my wife last night, started to uncover a huge gap between perception and reality in my understanding of the status I held in our marriage, and how that’s directly affected the way I relate with my wife. Our conversation went a long way toward opening my eyes to the fact that the inequity I’ve long felt in our partnership owes a lot to my coming to it from a mental place of assumed unworthiness. Shame has been the monkey on my back for a long, long time.  You totally called it.

So I want to thank you again for your continued help and expertise, and more specifically for yesterday’s learning opportunity about how I can communicate with you more effectively.  After your ultimately appreciated prodding, you made me feel comfortable with the idea that expressing confusion or even doubt can serve as valuable conversation-starters, and I look forward to continuing our work together without those self-inflicted parameters.

After every session, I come away feeling better prepared to start shining light into shadows I’ve hustled past for a long, long time… some rational ones, but a lot more aren’t.  Yesterday I feel I finally started to understand that while my vivid (and lucrative) imagination often wants to create terrifying monsters under the bed, in a lot of cases those monsters are nothing more than a heap of decidedly less-terrifying laundry I’ve avoided for too long that just needs to be aired out and put away. Which I’ve got to imagine is a lot easier than monster slaying.

I’m so thankful for this journey my wife and I are taking together, with your help, towards deeper, more productive understanding.  Sometimes I may shuffle and others I may leap, but after our sessions always feel like we’re moving forward. Yesterday felt like a leap day.”

Premarital Therapist

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